


Marshalling Plans

by lamename



Series: Bald characters crossovers aka the series nobody asked for [2]
Category: Megamind (2010), Shrek (Movies)
Genre: Adventure, Backstory, Gen, Light Angst, Pre-Canon, The Button of Doom (2011 Megamind short)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-24
Updated: 2020-03-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:53:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,437
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23298862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lamename/pseuds/lamename
Summary: An inventing mishap teleports Megamind to a swamp.(Some references to The Button of Doom, which you don't necessarily have to know to read this, but why are you here if you're not interested in 15 more minutes of Megamind content?? Just go watch on YouTube if you haven't yet)
Series: Bald characters crossovers aka the series nobody asked for [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/803694
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Marshalling Plans

**Author's Note:**

> Draft 3 of this fic remained the same for OVER TWO YEARS, so I figured it was time to give up and post :D Also I'm motivated by Megamind being #1 movie of the week on tumblr, and while I'm not entirely happy with the prose yet, I can't not share the idea.  
> I want to thank my betas baegels and Wayward for helping me fix it up some! Any remaining mistakes are mine.

Megamind flails his arms as he realizes the ground is no longer solid, but doesn’t fall into the mud. Regaining his balance, he takes in deep lungfuls of humid air, and wonders at the trees scattered around this unfamiliar terrain.

While he has heard birdsong before, frogs have never croaked along to it. Megamind hasn’t been out of Metro City much; he hasn’t seen the point in trying to escape his life (his fate) - the brainless drones must be the same everywhere, and _someone_ has to fight Metro Man. As Megamind steps towards higher ground, his boots squelch when the ground is loath to let him go. He curls his lip in disgust, irritated at Minion for mucking up his latest invention badly enough to have transported him into a _swamp._

As he walks, Megamind lets his eyes roam for inspiration to get himself back to the Lair or defeat Metro Man. Neither seems forthcoming, but there’s still some hope for the next plot: although the place doesn’t appear immediately life-threatening, it has some ominous country vibes, and has already committed a horrible crime against his faux leather boots.

Wrapping his cape around one arm to protect it from more mud and waving his other to fend off the mosquitos, Megamind spots a cottage. It’s not an easy feat, considering it resembles a tree covered in grass, but at least it has a chimney. “Civilization, at last!” Megamind declares. Some birds take off with panicked cries, startling Megamind in return, and he makes a beeline towards the house, eager to get away from the disquieting rustling.

There are several not-so-subtle hand-made signs and pictographs portraying monsters telling him to keep away. Out of generosity, Megamind knocks first.

When only distant calls of birds meet his ears, he pushes the door and finds it unlocked. Eyebrows raised, he walks in, one hand gripping his de-gun just in case “no locks” translates to “someone not to be crossed” rather than “dirt poor”.

Megamind had anticipated the lack of light switches, but as he lets his eyes adjust to the dimness, he realizes the owner doesn’t own any electric appliances whatsoever, not even a backup generator. There doesn’t seem to be any obvious wealth to be lying around either so Megamind loosens his posture before recoiling at the slimy candles, stinky onions, and oozing cauldron. The house doesn’t lack for the bare necessities (wifi excluded), and Minion might even call it homely. But really, it’s just inexcusably bad taste.

Megamind taps his foot as he considers moving on, but there are too many tracks outside to choose from. Looking around for a map, Megamind wanders over to a bookshelf, leaning away from hanging bunches of herbs threatening to tickle his scalp. The shelf is tiny and none of the (few) books have titles on their spines. He picks up the largest one, smoothing his glove over its cracks.

The pages crackle a bit as the photos inside make them hard to turn, but Megamind keeps flipping through. An album is unhelpful, yet after a grinning donkey come shots after shots of green… humanoids (or perhaps M’ega-noids) who resemble the blotches on the warning signs surrounding the cottage. They’re having a party and eating a cake, and the red-haired one is in a wedding dress. Megamind’s heart pounds as he examines the genuine happiness on their faces, especially on the one who’s bald as well as green. (It may not be a primary color, but Megamind just _knows_ people scream and boo at him, too.) The sight gives him a well-known pang.

A creak outside snaps Megamind out of it, and he closes the book and throws it to the table next to him just before the door bangs against the wall. A figure, now familiar, is outlined against the daylight before he stomps towards Megamind, booming, “Who are you and what are you doing in my house?”

Megamind conjures a smile and sticks out a hand in an effort to be friendly, very conscious of the other’s size. “I’m Megamind. I got lost and was hoping you’d tell me how to get to the city?”

The stranger squints at his gloved hand and crosses his arms. “So you’re from the city. Did you come here to spy on me?” Megamind shrinks back and bumps against the table as the other looms over him with a dangerous smile. 

“No! I don’t even know who you are. I thought the paintings outside were some children’s idea of a joke, but you must be Sssrek?” he trails off.

Probably-Shrek hums skeptically. “Are you a tourist? They like to go where they’re not wanted and stick their noses into other people’s business.”

With a nervous chuckle, Megamind’s gaze flickers to the bookshelf. Shrek tramps closer to it, frowning as he scans the rows. Megamind rests his hand on the book behind him, ready to shift it around to keep it out of sight. He fails as Shrek shoots past him and makes a grab for the album that Megamind forgets to let go of, so they play tug-o-war before Megamind gives respite to his aching knuckles and snatches his hands back. As Shrek staggers backwards, a photo floats through the air and lands at Megamind’s feet.

Flushed and babbling apologies, Megamind scrambles to pick it up and hand it over, when the picture of an impossibly huge gingerbread man wearing an impressive scowl as it steps over houses catches his eye. “What’s this?” Megamind blurts out.

“So I was right,” Shrek growls. “Just like the other tourists,” he says, swiping the picture. “Snooping in my private life. Always underfoot. See this one? If I could, I’d let him trample all of you!”

Megamind blinks. “How does this… creature even work?”

Shrek bares his teeth in an imitation of a smile. “Why don’t you go ask the Muffin Man,” he suggests and hauls Megamind out the door. “I can even point you in his direction!” True to form, he roughly orients Megamind towards a track and shoves him for good measure before slamming the door.

Megamind pouts and straightens his cape. While he uses brainbots to make mysterious noises and move furniture around to scare off unwitting guests in his Lair, he never goes as far as to physically remove someone. Besides, aren’t outcasts supposed to stick together? Stamping down on his hurt, he starts walking.

He’s managed only a few feet when ahead of him, bushes rustle. He draws his de-gun just as Minion enters the clearing with Roxanne, both carrying firearms. Megamind gapes as they cheer and quicken their pace.

“Sir, are you alright?” Minion asks, circling him to check him over while keeping one eye on the surroundings. “I’ve been worried sick.”

“I’m fine, Mignon,” Megamind says, overwhelmed. “Miss Ritchi, what are you doing here?”

Roxanne beams at him. “Minion wanted to have someone know what happened to you two in case you didn’t come back. I thought coming along to an epic rescue mission beat writing your eulogies.” She lifts her gun and mimes shooting at trees.

Lightheaded at Roxanne’s endearing behavior, Megamind bats Minion’s hands away and draws himself up. “Are you saying you’re not sure if you can get back and you still came after me? Minion! How could you endanger Miss Ritchi like that?” He glares until he notices their twin smirks and adds quickly, “Not that we’re in any danger. I can totally get us out of here!”

Minion says, “We figured out that part together so no worries, Sir.” He takes a look at the hut. “It’s quite nice here if you wanted a vacation. Very homely.”

A growl comes from the house. Minion and Roxanne train their guns at it, but Shrek doesn’t show. “Time to go, yeah?” Roxanne says brightly.

A lump forming in his throat, Megamind nods. “I can’t believe you came to fetch me. I owe you two.”

Roxanne’s grin is sharp. “Us three.” She puts away the gun to activate a small machine. “We had to modify Metro Man’s x-ray vision to find the right universe. Hello, Wayne,” she says into it, and bumps Megamind’s shoulder. Megamind clicks his mouth shut.

“Hi, Roxie! Are you ready?”

While they travel back to their own universe, Megamind swears he’s going to get back at Metro Man for ruining his plot. Luckily he already has the beginnings of an idea. A giant with a fearsome red mouth (though programmed for a proper display rather than drawn with icing), slowly yet unstoppably stalking its victim... Megamind grins to himself. It’s going to be his favorite!

**Author's Note:**

> Mega-Megamind and the creepy giant gingerbread Mongo look ONE AND THE SAME and I fear them both


End file.
